


Goodbye blue sky

by Drowse



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Additional Warnings Apply, Car Accidents, Cas is Gay, Cas is in the closet, Character Death, Cutting, Happy Ending, Other, Razors, Sad, Self-Harm, Triggers, Walking, cas has problems, cas isn't cared about, happy ending for Cas, not actual pairing, tw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-26
Updated: 2014-11-26
Packaged: 2018-02-27 01:23:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2673626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drowse/pseuds/Drowse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel isn't wanted.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Goodbye blue sky

**Author's Note:**

> Dear reader, I wrote this when I was in a bad place the other night. I, however do not self harm anymore, so this was my way to get everything out of my system. It actually made me feel much better. I do hope you enjoy this and I hope it doesn't trigger you in anyway....

Castiel sat on his bed and buried his head in his hands. He felt so empty. He could barely feel anything at all today. He opened his nightstand drawer and got out a army green box with his name on it. He sighed as he opened it. He moved the baseballs cards and little trinkets to reveal 3 razor blades. He took them out and laid them on his lap.

 

He wondered which one he'd use today. He picked up the second to dullest one and got his lighter. He sterilized the blade before pulling his pants and underwear around his ankles. He ran his fingertips over the semi faded scars on his upper thighs. He remember each and every one of them and the story that made him do each. He drug the dull blade across his skin, pushing down hard and gritted his teeth. He let up and watched the blood start to come from beneath his skin. He winced. He was still alive, but he wanted to die. 

 

He drug the blade across his skin again, just a few inches above the last one. He felt the sting as the blood started to spread over his scars. He had to stop this. He had to get help. But he knew he never would. His parents didn't give a shit about him, all they cared about was his big brothers, Michael, Lucifer and Gabriel. He was hurting so badly and no one could see it. 

 

At least Gabriel asked how he was doing sometimes. Gabe was the least asshole like of the bunch. Cas pressed his lips together as he wiped the blood from his thigh. He got some gauze out of his other box and put it on his fresh cuts. He layered them and taped them up with medical tape. He pulled his underwear and pants back up. He cleaned the blood off his razor and returned it to it's box and then to it's place in the drawer. 

 

He just sat there, he hoped he'd bleed to death, but he knew he wouldn't, the cuts weren't deep enough. He pressed his lips together, staring at the flood. He felt is bottom lip start to quiver. He started to cry, tears streaming down his cheeks. He ran his fingers through his hair, grabbing it and yanking it. 

He stood up and grabbed a hand full of his own hair then slammed his head against the wall. Now, he had a headache and hopefully a concussion. He took a sip of his water and laid down in his bed. He held himself and sobbed into his pillow. What did he do to deserve this? When did he become so bad? Everyone hated him. His 'friends', his parents, his siblings. hell, his teachers probably hated him too. Especially the teacher he'd had a crush on since he was a freshman. 

 

He laid in bed thinking about the 'tumor' in his leg they discovered last summer. He'd secretly wished it was cancerous and inoperable so it would kill him; but it wasn't, just a calcium deposit the doctor said. He pressed his fingers into his freshly cut thigh, wincing at the extreme pain he was feeling. He was so fucked up. 

 

He laid in bed and cried himself to sleep like he'd done many times before. Maybe tomorrow he wouldn't wake up. Not waking up was the only think he ever looked forward to anymore. But everyday he did, a huge disappointment to him and probably everyone else. The next morning Cas awoke. He hadn't died, a bummer for him. 

 

He got dressed, put some antibiotic ointment on his cuts and changed his bandages. Today he was awake and his brain was active. Another day of self hatred and hell. He drank his orange juice, not bothering to eat anything, he was cutting out food, hoping he'd starve to death. He walked across the street on his way to school. 

 

He heard a noise, a car horn beeping. He turned to look and he was met with the sight of a car less than ten feet away from him, going at lightening speed. It beeped it's horn at him, but Castiel didn't move. The car hit him and he died on impact. Castiel's soul went somewhere he couldn't explain.

All he knew was that he wasn't empty anymore, he wasn't broken. He was happy. He was finally free.


End file.
